Every once in awhile pet your soul..

"You have the need and the right to spend part of your life caring for your soul. It is not easy. You have to resist the demands of the work-oriented, often defensive, element in your psyche that measures life only in terms of output -- how much you produce -- not in terms of the quality of your life experiences. To be a soulful person means to go against all the pervasive, prove-yourself values of our culture and instead treasure what is unique and internal and valuable in yourself and your own personal evolution."

O how true this is, I think if people were able to slow down a little and really try to get as much out of life as possible, things would be so much different. So often we get so absorbed in what we have to be or are expected to be that we lose focus on who we are and what gifts we truly have. We lose our appreciation for the simple things, like: warm summer nights, a glass of wine, dancing, and relationships. If you don't every once in awhile take a step back life will pass you by. Sometimes people get so lost that they need just drop everything that they are doing and take off on an adventure to heal the soul and rediscover themselves. Each individual is responsible for the care of their soul and if you are lucky enough to find that one person that you know is your mirror image then you also take on the responsibility to care for theirs. Even as you grow old, keep the fire in your soul burning like it did in the days of your youth and you will feel like you have lived forever.

Sports, Kids, Haiti, and Little Black Babies

So I have been going to church again for the past two months and it has been good. I still sometimes feel church is more of a popularity contest than what it is technically for, so I have taken a low key approach to it all and really have not been involved in much.

Tonight they were talking about an aide trip to Haiti and the whole time they were talking about it, deep in my heart the first moment they mentioned it I knew I was going. This was definitely no hard decision, in my life some of the moments I have felt the greatest joy is when I get the constructive chance to help those who really need it, like seriously if I could do it everyday and not have to worry about how I was going to live or pay bills I would do it. The second thing that makes this an easy decision is I love kids and seeing all those children living on the street tugs at everyone of my hearts strings, so I was sitting there hoping that I would get the chance to sign up in some way to work with kids. The third thing that makes it easy is I LOVE BLACK BABIES! Haha for some reason I have always thought this, I think they are the cutest babies in the whole world, I even said at one point in time that I would adopt one if I never got married, so I am hoping that there will be plenty of them around, it will be great!

So after it was over the pastor whom I have known my whole life and admire very much, came up to me as I was talking to a friend and was asked if he could have a moment. In my mind I was thinking what have I done now :) So as we began talking he asked me if I was interested in going on the trip, to which I could not hold back my excitement of answering yes. He then asked me something which still has me glowing......He asked me if I would organize and run sports camps for the kids of Haiti all week. Basically I get to design and direct an integral part of the whole trip and it deals with kids and sports.....HALLELUJAH! It feels like Dec 25th just came today and I got that one gift that gives you that feeling....

The last trip like this I went on was the summer after my senior year of high school to Honduras and we were sleeping in an abandoned school in the middle of the mountains, with a guard with an AK-47 standing at the compounds door. I will never forget that trip and the joy it gave me helping people. It was amazing as I spent a whole week in 100 + degree heat working in a modified pharmacy, filling prescriptions that our doctors wrote. The week and a half spent in those mountains stay with me now, women with their babies that were so sick that nothing could be done, but to write them a prescription of Tylenol, which basically just alleviated the pain that the child was in. Then when I would give these women the medicine, they would grab you by the arm and hug you or kiss you on the cheek because in their mind you were healing their child, but in my mind I understood what was going to happen after we left. When it comes to my emotions I am never really outward with them and usually guard them and keep them close. After seeing the pain those people were in and the malnourished children over and over again, it finally broke me. I have a feeling that going on this trip will probably do it again.

I know going on this trip the main focus is going to be spreading the word of God. When it comes to this I am still not sure of myself being able to do so. I know in my heart my main goal is to go and hopefully put a smile on a few peoples face. I hope that the time I spend there I can at least bring hope and joy to those who dont have much right now. I hope the kids enjoy the sports programs and games that I come up with and maybe one day I will see one of them playing professionally. At the same time I hope that from this trip I come back better than when I went, what I mean by this is that I hope that I learn things about myself whether good or bad that being in situations like this tend to bring out. I hope that I hold onto and focus on the good and rid and forget the bad. I know that I will leave with an appreciation for life and the simple things that seem to get lost in the hustle and bustle of our days.

I wish this trip was happening tomorrow, but alas all good things require patience and I am willing to wait, besides I have a ton of planning to do.

"To do more for the world than the world does for you - that is success."

"If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path."

"If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody."

Amos Lee - Better days (album version)

Black and White and a Book

The other day I was out playing a sport called Disc Golf. It is a sport that I discovered 5 years ago and have been in love with since I started. We have several courses here in Knoxville, the one I was playing at is in an area some would refer to as the "ghetto". I was playing with several friends and having a great time, when we came upon the next hole I saw something that captivated my attention and consumed my thoughts for the rest of the round.

As we walked up to tee off on the next hole, I looked up and there was a white man who was in his late 50's or early 60's wearing a dingo hat and holding a book. Sitting next to him was an African American man looking to be around the same age as the white man. At first I was not sure as to what the two were doing sitting there in this park. My curiosity was not intrigued to the fact that two men of a different color were sitting next to each other, but I did wonder what the two of them were doing sitting on a bench in a park that is not safe to hang out in. The tee box for the hole is right next to the bench where the two were sitting which made it hard not to eaves drop, couple that with the fact that my curiosity was intrigued, I nonchalantly inserted myself into the situation.

After about 5 seconds of listening, I realized exactly what was going on and I can remember the wave of emotion that hit me at that moment. The white gentleman was teaching the black gentleman how to read. I know that racism exists still this day (which is sad), but I am of the age that I did not grow up in the era of segregation or extreme racism. When I think about those times, it makes me angry to think of people treating other people with such hate and vileness due to the simple fact that they don't look like you. This moment with these two men sitting next to each other laughing, sharing a cold Steele Reserve beer, and putting behind them the years of hatred that made this moment seem impossible, will be a moment that gives me hope. I wondered to myself where the two would have been decades ago when a moment like this would have seemed more like a fairy tale rather than reality. Would the white man have sat next to the black man in that very same park, doing that very same thing they were doing that day? In my heart I would love to believe so.

I think where I differ from a lot of my friends, is the fact that I recognize or care to take the time to recognize what was happening. I hope the two men didn't feel that I was being rude in paying so much attention to what was going on, but before I realized it my group had walked off and was on down the field finding their discs. I really wanted to sit down with the two and immerse myself into their conversation and tell them how much I appreciated the moment they gave me, even though the moment was probably not that big of a deal to either of them. I really wish I had brought my camera, so that I could capture the beauty of this and share it with others.

As I walked away, I thought about what the two of them had seen and experienced in their life times. How they had met to be sitting together in the park that day? What memories they had of a time when our country had such a dark sense of how to treat others? I thought about what kind of man I would have been during this time? Would I have had the strength to stand against such polluted views or would I have let fear of being different cause me to act in such a way that i would have regretted my actions? I would like to think that I would have had the heart and strength in my soul to oppose such hatred, but until you are put in that intense moment you never really know.

I am thankful and it gives me encouragement that we as a society have come as far as we have from the times of the 60's/70's. One of my greatest desires is that we as people can one day look past hatred and differences and learn to embrace each other for the people that we are inside. I feel that if we can one day learn to care for each other as we care for ourselves, anger and hatred will have no place in our society. What a wonderful place this world would be if we could ever learn to do that. I thank God that he put me in that park on that day to see that moment and my hope and prayer is that moments like that become more frequent.

“It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.” - Robert Francis Kennedy

Memories

This week I have been doing two of my favorite things in the world....being at the beach and coaching baseball. All the while this week all I can think about is her.......

I do think about her from time to time, but it hasn't hurt like it did this week for awhile. I think maybe because there was so much beauty around me and I think she is someone who would have appreciated it like I do and the fact that she is a joy to be around.

I really wish I had never let her down, it still hurts my heart to have caused her any pain. She really was the bees knees and I was a fool. She definitely deserves something better than me and I really do hope she finds it.

As the sun was setting I wished she was there to see it with me. I am leaving dark dark brown.

The First

I love music and the way it touches my soul, I love how it takes me back to the moment I heard it the first time. I can remember smells, feelings, and the people associated with it. I love the fact that I am not stuck to one type of genre of music, each style speaks to me in a different way. It touches every extreme of my emotions, sometimes invoking a smile, sometimes a tear, but always something. The beauty of a song lies in the fact that what it inspires in yourself, could be a polar opposite for the next person. There is no moment more beautiful than driving in your car on a summer night, with the windows down, blasting that song that makes your soul at rest.


You are the music while the music lasts. ~T.S. Eliot

Music is forever; music should grow and mature with you, following you right on up until you die. ~Paul Simon